What is up with Women?

It is often a funny joke between men that it is impossible to understand women. I agree, what is up with women? Why do we try so hard to look "beautiful" when we don't even really know what beauty is? Why do we try so hard to impress men and women alike instead of just being ourselves? Why are we so focused on clothes and make-up and hair instead of things that actually matter? Why do we care if someone is wearing the same dress as us? Why do we travel in packs and go to the bathroom together? Is it because we are not confident and need  people with us all of the time, or is it because women in their nature are social and genuinely enjoy company....all of the time? A more serious question, "why must one woman's pleasure and pride have to mean another woman's pain"(Wolf, 286)? I could go on forever on things even I don't understand about women or why we do the things we do.

One passage I read in the Beauty Myth, by Naomi Wolf, that particularly struck me and has triggered these thoughts is, "men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. This determines not only the relations of men to women, but the relation of women to themselves"(Wolf, 58). I think what struck me so much was that I believe that this is absolutely true and it made me sad. I myself am guilty of doing this. I have caught myself a few times acting in a certain way based on how I thought people saw me or thought of me. I would do something, not for myself, but I would watch myself doing something through other peoples' eyes. I know it sounds confusing, but if anyone else is guilty of the same thing I think they know exactly what I am talking about. Since I read this passage, I have been trying hard to not to "watch [myself] being looked at", but to do what I do because I want to (Wolf, 58). I don't want to think about what other people are thinking about me. And it was surprisingly easy. It didn't feel unnatural, but it was different and a challenge at times. I for one would love to feel "the pleasure of shedding self-consciousness" for good (Wolf, 285).

Another idea that popped into my head while reading that passage was that I think women are constantly in competition mode. It is completely true that with women, "jealousy among the best of friends is a cruel fact of female love"(Wolf, 284). You know why? It is because women are constantly competing. They are constantly trying to be prettier than their friend or have nicer clothes because it is so natural for women to be jealous of each other and that turns into a massive competition between women. The bottom line is that women are brutal. I completely agree with Wolf when she says, "women blame men for looking  but not listening. But we do it too; perhaps even more so. We have to stop reading each others' appearances as if appearance were language, political allegiance, worthiness, or aggression. The chances are excellent that what a woman means to say to other women is far more complex and sympathetic than the garbled message that her appearance permits her"(Wolf, 286). I am like most women and am guilty of many of the crimes Wolf mentions. I have been jealous of my friends at times and sometimes I read other peoples' appearance like it is a puzzle I am trying to crack, and it is exhausting and it fills me up with self consciousness.

I have a confession to make; I did not like the Beauty Myth very much.  I thought it had really interesting ideas and it did a great job at stretching my opinions and making me think differently, but I also found it very extreme and incorrect. The one part I did like and agreed with most was her last chapter, "Beyond the Beauty Myth". I completely agree with Wolf when she says, "the toughest but most necessary change will come not from men or from the media, but from women, in the way we see and behave toward other women"(Wolf, 283).  I like Wolf's solution. She suggests, "let us start with a reinterpretation of 'beauty' that is noncompetitive, non hierarchical, and nonviolent"(Wolf, 286). I agree with Wolf's solutions and I think the only thing that can change the ridiculous things women do is women themselves. Don't you want to stop being so self conscious all of the time? I do!